Revision of Essay 1: Final Exam. By: Lauren Henderson

Abstract: I Chose to revise this essay because it was my very first essay and i knew the less knowledge when i wrote this one. I felt like i could use more of my knowledge and make better sense of the topic. Although it was very hard to revise something, i put a great effort into changing my word choice. I noticed throughout my writing i would time and time again have very complicated sentences to read. I also added more detail to my thesis to give the reader a better idea of what they were about to read. I feel as if this made my paper stronger because it have the reader insight to what they needed to know in order to keep reading or move on from my paper. The last way i revised my paper was by really paying attention to my paragraph structure. I noticed before that i would add random information in my paper just to fill up space. Or i would have too much information on one thing in one spot. To revise it, i either deleted information that was not needed or just rearranged my information to make the paper make more sense. Get Started On Your Life! When the phrase, “30 is the new twenty,” is said in today's society, twenty year olds automatically think, "Oh yeah, I have all the time in the world." A lot of controversy is spoken when speaking about this subject among many generations, especially older ones. The phrase, unfortunately, provides a time cushion that allows young people to procrastinate on starting their lives. Meg Jay, whom has a PhD in psychology, experienced something that changed the focus of “twenty-somthings” to the “Defining Decade” and gave her three ideas worth spreading. These ideas target young adults to help make their lives successful starting right now. Jay delivers a speech entitled, "Why 30 is not the new 20." She gives this speech to a big auditorium full of "twenty something's." During her speech she tries to reason with her audience, telling them that by wasting time with something right now rather than moving forward and starting something that matters, can negatively effect them in the long run of having a successful life. By explaining an experience she encountered in her early practicum days, she now is lucky enough to help and counsel young adults in their twenties to become more successful in their own lives as soon as possible. Throughout her speech she uses rhetoric, such as, work choice and diction, as well as her personal experiences. Through doing this, she persuades “twenty-something's” to have identity capital, use their network of people or "weak tithes," and pick their family to better their chances of a successful life sooner rather than later. Furthermore, during student clinical at Berkley University, Jay tells about her first experience conducting a session with a young woman named Alex. This experience changed her focus on her career and allowed her to specialize in the age group she now refers to as “The Defining Decade." The purpose of her speech is to persuade young adults in their “twenty-something's” not to procrastinate in starting a successful life. While she is giving the speech she repeatedly states “twenty-something's.” Not only is she talking to young adults in that age group but she is also including people who are raising, loving, and even losing sleep over a “twenty-something.” Her speech provides an example of ethos such as “I was a student in clinical psychology at Berkeley acquiring my PhD.” (Jay). This sentence gives her an image of authority and importance, which she is trying to portray. This gives the audience a reason to listen to her. In order to grab her audience’s attention, she gives many examples of logos. For example, she states, “There are fifty million twentysomthings in the United States right now. This relates back to the thesis because it shows how vital people in their twenties are to society. She goes on and states, "We’re talking about fifteen percent of the population, or one-hundred percent if you consider that no one’s getting through adulthood without going through their twenties first” (Jay). Another example is, “We know that eighty percent of life’s most defining moments take place by age thirty-five” (Jay). This fact is so true and is placed well in her speech so that it will really reel in the audience and have her words be heard loud and clear. Many of these examples have a lot to do with her very first client, Alex. Just as the old saying, "Time flies when you're having fun," most people don’t realize how wasting that amount of time can hugely affect success in someone’s life. Some women like Alex just sit back and wait later in life to start anything. She explains how marriage happened later, jobs happened later, and even life happened later. During this explanation she slows down her words to empathize the importance of each sentence she is speaking on. Her word choice is very unique because it appeals to the audience by being simple and easy to understand. The key to really get across to someone is to put it in their words. Most people tune you out when you began to talk about something that is out of their reach in knowledge. Her speech was down to earth and it was not like you would expect a psychologist with a PhD to talk like. Her diction was very well applied. The story of Alex starts off with Alex having so called "boy problems." Dr. Jay begins to counsel Alex and just brush off the procrastination she is seeing. Dr. Jay is confronted by her boss, which tells her that she is helping Alex waste her life by letting time fly and her youth slip away. This was when Dr. Jay actually had an "Aha moment," as Jay describes. This was when she completely changed her way of counseling. As her speech progresses she starts to portray examples of pathos by talking about a woman named Emma. She explains to Dr. Jay that she is having an identity crisis. Emma is in her mid-twenties and feels like she has no time left. Of course, she had dreams, but she didn’t know if those were the right dreams to have so late in life. She wanted to work with artwork but did not know where to start (Jay). Alex goes on to tell her that she has no one she can count on. She has no one to take care of her if something really bad happened to her. This story grabs the audience emotionally and allows her to leave them with a thought to focus on bettering “twentysomthings” in their own lives. For example, “She’d just bought a new address book, and she’d spent the morning filling in many of her contacts, but then she’d been left staring at that empty blank that comes after the words, 'In case of emergency, please call … .'” This brought an awe in the audience that drew them in and allowed them to feel Emma's painful emotion. She goes on to illustrate Emma’s next steps in successfully starting her life and filling in that blank (Jay). The first idea she mentions is about claiming your adulthood and having identity capital. She says, “Claiming your twenties can be the simplest, yet the most transformative, thing you can do for work, love, for your happiness, maybe even for the world” (Jay). Dr. Jay begins by telling Emma that having identity capital requires her to do something in her life that makes her feel like she accomplished something. She tells Emma, “To explore work and make it count!” (Jay). During this point she adds in an example of kairos, “So now is the time for that cross-country job, that internship, that startup you want to try.” This gives the audience a decisive moment (Jay). I feel as if she did a great job at slowing down her words and selecting a good word choice to really relate to the audience, which is diction. The second idea is to use your weak tithes. Jay states, “… the urban tribe is overrated.” (Jay). This means that your friends cannot be the people you always surround yourself with. It is better for you to branch off from the group and surround yourself with diverse people. This ties into using your weak tithes, for example, Emma went through the address book and found an old friend from college that had a cousin, which worked in an art museum out of state. By knowing this girl she had went to college with, she was able to land a job in the field she had dreamed of working with. By using weak tithes, this was a prime example Dr. Jay wanted to portray (Jay). Lastly, the third idea of picking your family, is mentioned when Emma states in one of their sessions that “You can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family” (Jay). This saying has been drawn out through time and has really began to show how untrue it is. Dr. Jay goes on to explain that picking a partner is picking your family, because choosing a person you want to start a family with is choosing who your family will be later on down the road. Emma married a man that she met when she moved out of state for the job she landed. By marrying that man, she chose him to start her life with. Later on, Dr. Jay, tells her audience that Emma stayed in touch with her by sending a card stating, “Now the emergency contact blanks don’t seem big enough!” This is also another example of pathos. It emotionally grabs the attention of her audience and leaves them with a thought they could use to make a difference in the lives of a “twentysomething” today (Jay). In conclusion, I think Dr. Jay did an excellent job of getting her point across. Her talk was very effective, not only to people in their twenties, but basically to anyone listening. My opinion of starting a life has changed tremendously, in that I plan more thoughtfully for whom I may marry one day, potential children I may parent one day, and the surroundings of friends I may be involved with someday. I use to think that waiting later on in life to make my decisions would make a better, in fact I was waiting for the "later" moment to spike so i could start making decisions. I now agree with Meg Jay that by having identity capital, using my weak tithes, and picking my family, can better my success earlier in life and make my chances of living life on time greater than ever. Works Cited Jay, Meg. “Why 30 is not the New 20.” TED Conferences, LLC. 2010. Lecture.